Im A Failure And Im Proud Of It

bigstock-Abusive-words-hurt-30940841Yes you heard it right.

“Im extremely proud of my failure and want to experience more”

Growing up in a brown family isn’t necessary all rainbows and unicorns. Apart from the family bonding and interacting with your extended family on daily bases, its got its down turns too.

There is this stereotypical thinking in the outside world that browns are genius when it comes to math and sciences. There is no doubt in accepting that fact. India has the highest number of engineers and flaunt their extraordinary skills in space research. But for most of us math and sciences is a piece of cake. We dread every single second spent in the physics class and always zone out in the math class. And that’s the root of all problems.

I have always been addicted to the television. At a young age, I would lie down beside my grandma and enjoy those typical cliche, over dramatic Indian daily soaps. The television and star studded world has always fascinated me.

I remember placing my teddy bears and caked up dolls (courtesy of my mother’s make up and my artistic skills) on the sofa, wearing my mum’s clothes and jewelry . Lastly I would hold a bottle of deodorant in my hand, stand in front of a mirror and yap for endless hours pretending to be a ground journalist.

Somewhere in between pretending to be journalist and fangirling over my favorite journalist Barkha Dutt. I made up my mind and started knitting dreams about becoming a journalist.

But as you grow up your career and your dreams, your goals  becomes everybody’s dreams, career and business.

When I shared my career goals with a few family members, they didnt quite seem amused or proud.

“Huh journalist?” He laughed, rolling his eyes, “But beta what will you do in that field? They dont even earn much! Become an engineer, my son’s doing that and that will ensure you  a bright future. 

I remember my mum rubbing my back with her hand and politely asking me to change my career plans. I was fifteen-extremely young and naive to make career decisions and fight for my career decision.I agreed to my mother. After all all your mother wants is the best of you.

“Beta, I want you have a good future. A lot of tuition fee goes into your education. Alot is sacrificed. Im not paying all that money for you to end up becoming a journalist.”

The thought of disappointing my mother was devastating. Part of what she said was true- alot was being sacrificed. And since we belong to a middle class family, money matter alot.

I wasnt quite sure what to do next for what subjects to pick at IGCSE level. I wasnt sure what to picture myself as.

Fast forward months and there I was in year 11. I vividly remember, I was busy chopping a few tomatoes and helping my mum in the kitchen, continuously talking about my new career choice-“Nutririon and dietetics“, what I could do with that degree, how difficult it could get blah blah blah.

“But its not like you’re doing engineering”

I stopped chopping the tomatoes and looked at my mum quizzically. I had so much in my mind, but my mouth failed to form any words. Flashbacks of my ‘year 9 career crisis’ hit my mind. The quizzical look soon changed into disbelief. I was completely devastated and extremely shocked. Its like the universe has been building up against me and decided that nothing should ever go according to the way I want them to.

“Well” I rolled my eyes and returned my attention back to the tomatoes.

My mum continued to clear her point and clear the misunderstanding that she created. But my ears were blocked with my own thoughts.

“What does she expect from me?”

“What does she want from me?”

“Why cant she just accept my career choice for once?”

Its necessary to to point out that one of our family friends daughter had completely her A levels and flew to the UK in order to get trained as bio engineer. And her mother would not stop talking about it whenever we met. It was suppose to be a family dinner but it ALWAYS turned out to be a family dinner to appreciate her achievements and talk about her the whole night.

Im not jealous by the way. Its just that some parents need to know that their child inst the center of attraction every time.

As time flew, my mum finally accepted my choice. I learned that the nutrition and dietetics field is fast growing and job opportunities are vast. A this time both my mum and I very happy.

Every time you plan your future, god laughs a little.

I failed my AS levels.

I scored 3E’s.

And things have never been the same or running smoothly after that.

Its been one wild roller coaster ride for me.

{End Of Part One}


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